Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Within Dysfuntional There Is Unconditional Love



The definition of family for me may not be as tradition as most people’s view of a family would be.  The family I grew up with consists of my mother, brother, grandparents, and a step-father.  We are all bonded by blood, except for my step-father and I; he is my brother’s dad.  After my mom and step-father divorced, my step-father married again; I then had a step-mom, step-sister, and step-brother added to the family I would rather forget.  By all definitions we are dysfunctional family. 

            I grew up in a home where I was beat on a daily basis by an ego-manic step-father starting at the age of five; I thought at the age of six that this happened in all kid’s family.  I thought all dads taught their kids to behave this way, and soon I thought this was just the way a dad showed his love for his kid.  Little did I know at that age that his actions were terribly wrong and unjust.  He always supported us, and we never went without anything.  I knew it was important that we always had food and a place to live, and any good dad would support his family in this way, I thought.  Although he was an awful father, he was still a family member, because he married my mom and is blood to my brother.

            My brother is a big part of family for me, for so much has happened with him in my life.  It is not just the blood bond that makes us family, but everything we have been threw in life.  Honestly when he was born I hated him.  Not long after he was born is when my step-father turned into the monster that tortured me.  He had not always been that way; I was his princess before my brother came along.  When my brother Dustin was born life changed for me.  All I knew was this thing came along that I did not want in my life.  I took the abuse I was enduring out on him.  I can remember a time I was seven, and I got so mad at him that I kicked him down a flight of stairs when he was two.  I did not know any better, I was being taught to love your family you had to hurt them.  To me love was anger.  Our bond with one another is still distressed, but not as violent as it use to be. 

            My mother Sheri did not show me anger though which was confusing, she would hold me tight, kiss me, and tell me one day it would all be alright.  It took me a long time to accept my mother’s love because I was so mixed-up inside.  After she and my step-father divorced, I would constantly run away to his house.  After a terrible custody battle and being kidnapped by him for a year, my mother finally got custody of me.  It took a lot of therapy to break through the years of abuse, but she never gave up on me.  In the end she is the one family member I can always count on to be there for me whenever I need her.  That is part of being a family; always being able to count on the other one for support when needed, and never giving up on them.  This is where my grandparents on my real dad’s side are exceptional family members. 

            Grandma and Grandpa Frazier have always been there for me when I needed them after my step-father and mom divorced.  I was able to start going and spending time with them in the summer.  This was a great escape for me, and they always showed me unconditional love.  Unconditional love is something that is unspoken in a family.  Anytime I needed to talk I could pick the phone up and call grandma and still can.  She always listens with all ears and full of interest.  She offers advice when needed, and she never criticizes.  Next to my mom and brother, my grandma has been my closest family member. 

            Through all the dysfunction in my family I have still learned valuable lessons, morals, and what love should really be, unconditional.  My mom and I are closer than we ever have been, and she is very supportive of me in any decision I make.  I have nothing to do with my deranged step-father; he is not family to me, for you do not treat a family member the way he did me.  Through the years though I have developed a bond with my real father; he will always be family.  My grandparents and I talk regularly, and they to support me in all my endeavors’ as long as they will not harm me in some way.  To me support and unconditional love are what family is all about.

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